Was it something I said?

Connecting to server...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!

 

Stranger: haay

You: Dave?

Stranger: no?

You: oh

Stranger: where are you from

You: London

 

Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

Conversations with a stranger. Season 1, Episode 2.

In which The Inscrutable Chicken gets outweirded.

 

You: ola
Stranger: roflmywaffle
Stranger: !!
You: everybody wants to talk dirty to me
You: sigh....
Stranger: wild abra appears!
You: hooray!
You: (what's a wild abra?)
Stranger: and wants to talk dirty
You: okay - bring it....
Stranger: pokemon bitch!
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

 

Conversations with a stranger. Season 1, Episode 1.

Welcome to the first in a never-ending series of online chats with strangers.

Connecting to server...
Looking for someone you can chat with. Hang on.
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
You: hello
Stranger: hello
Stranger: asl
You: free puppies if you can guess my name
You: it's "adsl"
Stranger: sorry?..
You: "asynchronous digital subscriber line"
You: I have one - it's the latest way to get onto the internet
Stranger: I can speak English
Stranger: but little...

You: you are little?
Stranger: English little
You: guess my name correctly and I'll give you a puppy
You: you don't like puppies?
Stranger: like
You: okay, guess
Stranger: Em...........
Stranger: hint?
You: just give it a try
You: begins with "D"
You: ends with "ave"
You: no?
Stranger: David?
You: YES!!!!!
You: Where do I send the puppy?
Stranger: wow
Stranger: korea
You: oh, well you'll be needing extra puppies
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

 

 

Angels and Demons is the best movie you will ever see!

Not really, it’s rubbish.

 

Where to begin with this 2+ hour frontal lobotomy? I suppose I will have to go into the specifics of the film to point out the litany of absurdities – but to understand my points you will have to had watched the film so this post can only be effective if you are the kind of person that listens to people you don’t know on the internet (in which case, send money).

 

Since I’m not a professional film critic or blessed/cursed with a photographic memory, the following failings have been written down in no cohesive fashion just so I can get them down in writing before my brain purges the whole turgid mess as a survival instinct. So here goes:

 

When constructing a  containment device for some explosive substance, it’s a good idea to have the backup battery last longer than 24 hours. Perhaps I may be so bold as to suggest a car battery which would have the added advantage of being rather heavy and therefore a little harder for a thief to make off with it?

 

When you buy your anti-matter containers, get them several sizes bigger than you think you’ll need in case you make more anti-matter than you originally anticipated. This has the added advantage of being rather bigger and heavier and therefore a little harder for a thief to make off with.

 

When purchasing a retina-scan door lock, why not tick the option boxes for the voice recognition and password deluxe package. This makes it less likely that a thief will kill an authorised person and remove their eyeball in order to escape the facility.

 

If you are a killer who has removed the eyeball of your victim, don’t just drop it on the floor after you used it for a retina scan – it’s makes extra work for the cleaners and they aren’t paid very well. It also might raise suspicion amongst people you pass in the corridor when they come across it.

 

If you are a world-class physicist, you probably have a decent brain on your shoulders. What of these two courses of action would you recommend upon seeing a bloody eyeball on the floor? A) Walk quietly past it to get to your own office, B) Run back the way you came, call the police and have security lockdown the facility?

 

I have another 297 examples of things that make you go “WHAAAA??!?!?” in the movie but I fear permanent brain damage if I write them all out. I’ll also alienate my last two readers so I’ll stop here.

 

 

This post was brought to you by the Royal Society of Stopping Tom Hanks from getting any richer.

 

 

Don't say I didn't warn you

What was that? I didn't warn you? What do you call these then?

 

http://tenminutesyourenotgettingback.blogspot.com/2008/10/look-more-closely-at-dates.html

 

http://tenminutesyourenotgettingback.blogspot.com/2008/06/dont-be-tempted-to-bottom-fish-in.html

 

http://tenminutesyourenotgettingback.blogspot.com/2008/05/technical-analysis-103-laughing-buddha.html

 

Okay, so maybe I wasn't as clear as I could have been so let me spell it out in plain English for you – don't buy S&P500 before 400 or Dow Jones before 4,000 unless you like being poor. This piece of valuable advice is worth exactly what you are paying for it.

Apologies for the lack of updates

But there is nothing original to tell you. Come back in another year.

 

Who would have thought this was a fraud?

 

 

my one and only invention

Posh luncheterias should wrap their takeaway toasted sandwiches in goretex to eliminate the inevitable sogginess.

Thank you

 

A man is known by the company he keeps (part 2)

15:32:40  JL : to be honest though today is the first day all year i have not been fundamentally bullish on the long term picture for equities--mainly on news that Obama was creating a "Car Czar"

15:33:05  PM : please please please let it be someone called Gabor.

15:33:12  *** JL  rang the bell

 

Please don’t think any less of me…

 

For the record

I just want it to be known that I think Keynes was a dick. And his investments were nearly completely wiped out by the first great depression (GD1) so his advice is exactly what I don’t need right now. And he was probably smelly too.

 

How fooked is the UK?

Many people will tell you that the last time the UK base rate was 3% was in 1955. What they won’t tell you is the last time the rate was cut by 1.5% was in 1854….

 

We have a new winner

Welcome to the biggest company in the world

 

 

Giving you the Viennese finger

This is the intra-day chart for Erste Bank, the biggest bank in Austria. Somebody bought a share for 3,709,279,716,994,000,000 euros. And then a couple of hours later, somebody sold a share for nothing – just gave it away.

 

Now this could be some new-fangled trading strategy that I’ve not come across before. Alternatively, the Austrians couldn’t be bothered to go into work and let a bunch of cats do their trading for them today.

Did you know that...

…Iceland claims to have invented the concept of “Buy One, Get One Free” in the UK? It’s done so well that the whole country is now pioneering “Buy One, Get Nothing Back At All”.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iceland_(supermarket)

 

 

Look more closely at the dates....

 

Stealth Inflation

Hooray! Zimbabwe is experiencing inflation at a rate of 0.0000465% per second. Doesn’t sound much does it? Compound it by 60 and it’s 0.0028% per minute. Still sounds pretty pathetic, huh? Compound by another 60 and it’s 0.2% per hour. Pah! I spit on your 0.2%. But keep going for a year and you’re up to 231,000,000% per year….

 

there is nothing I can say

If you note the time on this post, you will realize what just happened….

 

Hey, at least it's still positive...

 

 

New slogan for the Myanmar Tourist Authority

“Visit beautiful Myanmar. Less corrupt than Somalia”

http://www.transparency.org/news_room/in_focus/2008/cpi2008/cpi_2008_table

 

 

Welcome to your new banking powerhouse